Monday, 16 September 2013
Mums perm
Friday, 13 September 2013
How mum came to live with us
I remember taking my redundancy, I think it was 2011, and having big plans of setting up my own coaching business with dreams of helping and inspiring people AND embracing a new found freedom and work/life balance. STOP. Naw. That wasn't going to happen so easily! Mum started going down hill it seemed straight away after me freeing myself of my chains of employment. Social work helped, my brother helped and obviously dad did too but she got progressively more needy.
Push came to shove when dad had a stroke in January 2013, although we'll never know exactly what triggered it, I certainly believe that his caring responsibility for mum played a part. Mum was already in hospital with a bad chest infection when it happens so she had to remain there while we figured out what to do.
She came home for a few weeks but it was clear that she needed 24/7 support and after a day when she 'escaped' and went wandering we got her a place in Nazareth House care home. It was the only care home that mum perked up when I mentioned it - she was a devout Catholic and was familiar with the nuns so it seemed like a suitable place for her. I didn't like the idea of her going into a care home let alone one she wasn't happy with. I've since learned there is a LOT more to choosing a care home than the comfort zone of the prospective resident. Mum was there for about 5 weeks and she was miserable, I've never seen her so sad. She cried, her behaviour was more erratic and confused than normal and she was desperate to go 'home'.
So we did. We brought her to live with us. I'm a big believer in living life with no regrets and I felt that I needed mum to live with us so when the times comes and mum is no longer with us, that I had tried my best. We knew it would be difficult, we thought we had our eyes open and every day since has taught John & I something new about mum, about family, about dementia, about social work, about 24/7 care, about each other and about life and love. It's been a learning curve.
Push came to shove when dad had a stroke in January 2013, although we'll never know exactly what triggered it, I certainly believe that his caring responsibility for mum played a part. Mum was already in hospital with a bad chest infection when it happens so she had to remain there while we figured out what to do.
She came home for a few weeks but it was clear that she needed 24/7 support and after a day when she 'escaped' and went wandering we got her a place in Nazareth House care home. It was the only care home that mum perked up when I mentioned it - she was a devout Catholic and was familiar with the nuns so it seemed like a suitable place for her. I didn't like the idea of her going into a care home let alone one she wasn't happy with. I've since learned there is a LOT more to choosing a care home than the comfort zone of the prospective resident. Mum was there for about 5 weeks and she was miserable, I've never seen her so sad. She cried, her behaviour was more erratic and confused than normal and she was desperate to go 'home'.
So we did. We brought her to live with us. I'm a big believer in living life with no regrets and I felt that I needed mum to live with us so when the times comes and mum is no longer with us, that I had tried my best. We knew it would be difficult, we thought we had our eyes open and every day since has taught John & I something new about mum, about family, about dementia, about social work, about 24/7 care, about each other and about life and love. It's been a learning curve.
Thursday, 12 September 2013
In the beginning
This is a blog about 2 demented mums - one is me, a reasonably healthy woman in her 30's and the other is mum...she's officially demented. She was diagnosed with vascular dementia about 5 years ago and now lives with me, my partner and our 3 kids (which is why I'm a bit demented too!)
Mum is now 79 and a wonderful woman - dementia is slowly but surely taking her away from us and it's hard and I want to treasure her for as long as I can. Dementia is frustrating, heart breaking, funny, confusing, enlightening, interesting and downright bloody sad. This blog is a place for me to share the ups and downs of living with and caring for someone with dementia.
But I don't want mum to be defined by dementia, this is just something that is part of her journey. She was and is a beautiful woman, an intelligent woman who loved reading and singing and having fun. THIS is the mum I want to remember.
Mum is now 79 and a wonderful woman - dementia is slowly but surely taking her away from us and it's hard and I want to treasure her for as long as I can. Dementia is frustrating, heart breaking, funny, confusing, enlightening, interesting and downright bloody sad. This blog is a place for me to share the ups and downs of living with and caring for someone with dementia.
But I don't want mum to be defined by dementia, this is just something that is part of her journey. She was and is a beautiful woman, an intelligent woman who loved reading and singing and having fun. THIS is the mum I want to remember.
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